Marriage Advice for Gen Z (Or anyone Else)
- Mike Sonneveldt
- May 12
- 9 min read

Do you want some marriage advice?
Don't get married.
At least, that seems to be the prevailing marriage advice spread across the internet these days...especially to the Gen Z folks.
The institution itself has taken quite a punch to the gut when it comes to faith in it, and extreme voices are winning out in the debate. After all, hell hath no fury like a person scorned in marriage or relationships.
The voices handing out "solid" marriage advice (aka – don't get married) are the same people who have seen their own relationships burn down like your house when your five-year-old gets hold of the acetylene torch. Sadly, a lot of those people have about as much maturity and wisdom as the five-year-old does.
In fact, I've watched Gen Z gobble up marriage advice from Men's Rights Activists in their 50s who have plowed through three marriages, burned them all to the ground, and proceeded to set up a 4th relationship headed for the same disastrous end.
It's like getting trading advice from a stock trader whose lost his shirt for the past three years in a row and has now resigned himself to living under a bridge playing digital poker every day.
Gen Z Marriage Advice Still Matters
Despite what the random voices on social media say, not every guy is worthless and not every woman is hopelessly shallow and spoiled. We may get massive doses of these people from podcasts and channels that thrive on that type of content. However, I know plenty of quality people who are in the thick of trying to find a partner for life. They're real people and have their own strengths and weaknesses.
The people I interact with on a daily basis are a lot of high-quality individuals who want to be their best selves, marry a worthy partner, and start a life. They recognize that the whole "dump chicks, make money" mentality will only get them so far.
And in case you're not convinced...it's a true fad. It's similar to the rather dangerous mindset poured into young women 60 years ago that held disastrous consequences. Women were told they could have it all, they needed to focus on their careers, and that they didn't need a man.
Men are now receiving the same exact advice. They're being told women are all worthless, they should focus on work, and they'll be happier old and alone.
The biggest piece of marriage advice being given out today? Don't get married.
Sadly, it's a wild swing of an immature generalization lumping everybody into the same category: Nobody is worth marrying.
However, for those more discerning folks who haven't ruled out the institution on the advice of people bitter at being burned, I've got a few nuggets of marriage advice that might help.
1) Marriage Advice: It's Worth It
I mean it. Marriage is worth it. You may hear the horror stories and see the testimonials of why you shouldn't get married, but what about the examples you see of good marriages that have gone the distance?
I see them all the time. I run across them in my business life. I recognize them at church. They're represented through the guys at the various men's gatherings I go to.
I've watched plenty of guys quietly and happily go through the highs and lows of becoming one flesh with a woman.
Those guys don't seek out marriage advice that tells them their bitterness is the most important emotion. They seek out marriage advice that helps them become the best man they can possibly be...for their wife. They then take that advice and work to become the leader they've been shaped to be in their household.
But the first thing every man considering marriage must do is determine it to be a worthy pursuit. When a man understands that there are quality women out there, that a stable and quiet life is worth pursuing, and that he can live contentedly for years, only then will he decide that it is worth the effort to achieve.
2)Marriage Advice: Slow Down
Young people love to rush and get married. Typically, the marriage advice they get is some semblance of, "Don't get married too fast."
While it may be overgeneralized, it's not necessarily wrong.
One of the things I see in young marriages is a belief that the butterfly feelings are permanent and that they must mean that marriage is the necessary next step.
In reality, the butterfly feelings will fade, and that person you're with will seem less like a god and more like a clod.
The truth is, you're getting married to a real person. You need to know how they'll handle bad situations and stress. You need to figure out if the two of you merely love getting touchy-feely, or if the love you're experiencing is deep and strong.
The person you're about to marry needs to be trustworthy, have solid values, not compromise on their values, and not be prone to wandering.
Slow down before you get married. Be honest with yourself and look for red flags.
Too often, people get marriage advice in the form of warning signs (aka – don't get married) and they shrug it off, hoping that things will improve.
The fact is that the truth will only be magnified. Once things settle in, that person will become their real self...for good or bad.
Most of the collapsing marriages I've watched have been because two people with their own levels of damage and baggage didn't weigh out what it meant to carry each other's damage and baggage. Then, when stress hits, the two people revert to their old coping mechanisms and tear the marriage down.
There are times when major events flip everything on its head and people struggle to keep it together, but this is where the partnership matters.
Weigh it out before you jump into getting married.
3)Marriage Advice: Learn Healthy Rules of Engagement
Every couple will get into conflict. What matters is figuring out how to do that best.
Whenever I'm asked for marriage advice, the following is my first piece of wisdom:
When my wife and I first married, we didn't know how to have healthy conflict. She would shut down, and I would try to win in pride. I'd argue, and she'd sit there like a broken lump on the couch.
Then, I'd get frustrated and want to leave. In her mind, that was akin to me leaving her permanently.
So I was stuck. I didn't want to continue winning an argument with a wall, and she didn't want me to leave.
We finally had a humbling moment with each other. We agreed to some rules of engagement.
I knew that our marriage was in trouble if I tried to win the argument instead of bringing solutions to the issue. So I knew I had to stop arguing to win and instead work on hearing what she had to say... no matter how much my pride was struck.
She knew she had to begin stepping out and speaking up. The trouble was that I'm able to argue on the fly, while she needs time to process.
So we agreed that I would get the open opportunity to go to another room (without the assumption that I was leaving her) and that we would give ourselves a few minutes to calm down. After that, I would come back, and we would have a level-headed discussion that expressed our feelings but sought a solution.
That meant both of us doing our best to figure out what we could bring to the table for improvements and compromises.
This reshaped our marriage and taught us how to be a team.
You want some marriage advice? Humble yourself and determine your best rules of engagement. And if you're about to marry someone who can't do that...then it's not the marriage for you. If you're already with someone who can't get outside themselves long enough to seek a solution, then get counseling immediately.
4)Marriage Advice: Lust is selfish, Love is selfless
We typically think of the word "lust" in the sexual sense. However, the word can also describe a state of desire for other things. We can lust after fame, money, food, etc. It's a word that describes selfish desire.
When we love our significant other, it means we are being selfless towards them. We want their best. We want them to be provided for, cared for, upheld, and supported. Our true love towards our partner is shown through a commitment to them.
Lust is when we see them as a means to an end. Our lust will see our significant other as the vessel through which we can get sexual gratification, an answer to our loneliness, a bigger house, buy an expensive car, or even have kids.
If we view the other person as merely a vessel to a thing, then we don't love them.
Take this piece of marriage advice seriously: you and your significant other must squash lust in all its forms.
That doesn't mean you can't still desire them. After all, we get married to a person because we want more of them in our lives. We want to experience all the joys life has to offer with them.
We want them emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
God designed us that way, and we have every right to desire that person to be a part of our lives.
However, love embraces the person as a person. Lust carves them into a material good that happens to eat, breath, and sleep. When we use a person as the vehicle to "satisfy" our lusts, we end up bitterly dissatisfied with them in the end. Why? Because lust is never truly satisfied and that person will never be the perfect answer to the lust.
Love your significant other. In other words, treat them as a God-created human being who you've been called to serve, protect, honor, and provide for. COMMIT to loving them, don't just have feelings for them. When you commit to serving them, then you will understand what it means to love someone even when things are difficult.
After all, God called us to love our enemies. So, when you figure that one out? Loving your spouse becomes much clearer.
5) Marriage Advice: Enjoy the journey
A piece of marriage advice we wish we would have taken more seriously was to enjoy the journey. Especially before you have kids.
If I had to do it over, I would have whisked my wife away on random weekends. We would have taken a few days and driven to random places.
We got so locked into our daily schedules and pursuing our work lives that we sacrificed that beautiful time together as just a couple. We bought too heavily into our responsibilities and didn't take full advantage of that period in life.
So now, when asked for marriage advice, I make it a point to remind couples that those first few years are absolutely beneficial to growing as a couple.
Look, you may end up having children early on. It happens. My wife became pregnant a few weeks before our two-year anniversary. So within 3 years of marriage, we had our first child. It's a blessing to have kids, no matter when it happens.
But if you have the opportunity to spend a few years as just a married couple, then by all means do so. You'll grow together in ways that you just can't get back once the added dynamic of kids enters the fray.
Bonus) Marriage Advice: Enjoy a few moments at your wedding
When I talk to couples who are planning their wedding, I tell them this little bit that I wish I had thought of:
During the wedding, get away for a few minutes. Go spend time alone together. Enjoy each other's company while everyone is eating or gathering for appetizers. Get away from the photographer, the wedding planner, the parents, the friends, and the party guests.
Take a few minutes and just breathe in the experience. Your wedding day is a whirlwind, and if you're not careful, you'll spend so much energy and focus on everyone else that you'll realize you were two separate people trying to host a massive party.
This is marriage advice I wish I had had. My wedding was a happy blur, and I'm grateful to all who were there. But I wish she and I could have gotten ourselves out for a moment and just embraced the day together. Doing that would have helped cement the memory that it was us together during our day, not two people that were over-dressed hosts.
Marriage Advice to Gen Z
I know Gen Z is looking to get married right now, so this article on marriage advice mostly points to you guys. But it's relatable for anybody looking to get married or still figuring it out.
Marriage is worth it. I promise. So don't listen to the voices. Instead, be okay with the fact that marriage has been happening for thousands upon thousands of years, and the current trends of hating on marriage and saying "marriage is dead" will not last.
There are people worthy of marriage all over the place. Just make sure you are also worthy of being married.
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