What is Masculinity?
Our culture spends a lot of time telling us all what it believes masculinity should be. The descriptions vary, but our culture hopes to sway all of us toward their view. While men have searched for masculinity since time began, the conversation rarely ever took such a controversial tone in popular society. Today, society cannot determine whether men or women are different. In the next breath, we argue that men can be women and vice versa.
CS Lewis once said, “[The difference between the old and the new education being] in a word, the old was a kind of propagation – men transmitting manhood to men; the new is merely propaganda.” Don’t we feel this today? Couldn’t we argue that the new method of handling manhood is tantamount to brainwashing the youth in hopes they will align with the propaganda later down the road? Unfortunately, the difference between the propagation and the propaganda rests in whether it is men transmitting true manhood, or society raising our sons to be “men.” Masculinity is a piece of nature that cannot be propagandized out of men...no matter how much the society gnashes its teeth. However, problematic outcomes follow if masculinity is not applied properly.
When we do not provide the proper guidance, men run into a whole host of problems and issues. Then, society turns around and blames them.
False Masculinity
What is masculinity? Knowing what it is not may be helpful before discussing what it is. A few years ago, the APA came out with guidelines on how to provide therapy to men. Within those guidelines, the discussion turned to the risky behavior of traditional masculinity. Included in the dangers of traditional masculinity were the traits of what is deemed “toxic masculinity.” This “toxic masculinity,” was made up of 4 specific traits: stoicism, aggression, dominance, and competition. At the bottom of it all, the reader or common person is left with the feeling that something deep within men is wrong or off.
After all, these men who participate in risky behaviors are less likely to go to therapy and more likely to skip vegetables. Oh, the humanity! Masculinity is not found in arrogance, sexual promiscuity, greed, hedonism, or any of the images society wants to place on men. It is not found in drunken bar fights, binge drinking, or wild stunts. Society has determined that true masculinity is the cause of all the issues in a man’s life, and therefore any trace of traditional masculinity must be removed. This means embracing emotions, and one’s femininity, becoming accepting of weaknesses and shortcomings, and focusing on being happy with oneself as opposed to seeking growth, development, and improvement. In society’s mind, a man must embrace his inner female to become more “masculine.”
Satan’s Trick
This is Satan’s trick. He demonizes what God creates and twists it to lead us astray. If we look at those traits of stoicism, aggression, competition, and dominance – we find suitable actionable traits that help a man prosper, grow, and overcome. What a man should not do is precisely what society is telling him he should do. While society concerns itself with actions such as caring, kindness, sensitivity, and emotional vulnerability, a true man presents those naturally as an outcome of him truly embracing the masculinity within him.
What is Masculinity: The traits
Even though stoicism, aggression, competition, and dominance may provide a man with the right ambition, outlook, and drive to overcome issues, a man must hold some deeper values at his core. I believe men would do well to develop some of the following specific values. Certainly, more may be deeply useful, but I am convinced that a man who focuses on these four values will grow much faster than his brethren who do nothing or focus on the wrong things.
1) Truth
God designed us to align with truth. When we as men are honest both with ourselves and others, we avoid massive pitfalls that lead us down the path of decay. A man’s honesty provides him with the resources to correct poor actions and gives him a nature of trustworthiness that is rare in today’s world. A truly honest and humble man can be trusted by his neighbors.
He holds himself to the standard and likewise will hold others to the standard of truth. The beauty of holding truth at a man’s core is that he prepares himself to accept what needs to change. He cannot lie to himself about his shortcomings. He cannot lie to others to cover up such shortcomings. This creates fertile soil in a man to become truly masculine.
2) Sacrifice
We were not built to be selfish but to be selfless. Take for a moment the example of Christ. If we believe Christ is God in the flesh, then we must accept that whatever Christ does is an example to us of how we should be. Christ lived in a completely selfless state and gave Himself up as the ultimate sacrifice. As men, we become a true, masculine man when we recognize that our duty is not to ourselves, but to our loved ones, neighbors, community, and our God. A man sacrifices himself to provide for his loved ones, protect them, and bring forward the next generation of his community.
In Christianity, we die to ourselves. Christ asked us to die to ourselves daily. Paul says it is no longer us who live, but Christ in us. This sacrificial ethic lays the groundwork for men to become fully realized in their potential. When a man sacrifices himself completely, he throws away fears, excuses, and concerns for his well-being. This creates a limitless man. One who can seek to accomplish anything given to him. Nothing limits him. When a man truly sacrifices himself for the good of others, his aggression, competitiveness, dominance, and stoicism are more useful tools to complete the task in front of him.
3) Responsibility
A sacrificial man will pursue and complete his responsibilities. It is the man who works extra hours to ensure the bills are paid. It is the man who handles the needed maintenance around the house when he would rather be sitting on the couch. It is the man who plays catch with his son because the valuable father-son time trumps any personal desires. A true man is fully responsible, and others know they can count on that man to complete his responsibilities. Without complaint, grumble, or excuse (Ie – stoicism.)
What is true masculinity when it comes to responsibility? We as men recognize that a lot rests on our shoulders. We know that provision for the family should fall on our shoulders. We also recognize that the protection of our family is in our hands. We know that a growing family provides the opportunity to create a legacy across generations. A man knows these facts, knows he is responsible for these things, and does everything in his power to uphold the share of his responsibility. Responsibility is not just completing tasks at work. It is becoming truly reliable in all things and all requirements.
4) Discipline
Nothing matters if a man does not complete the task. Every day, we are required to complete tasks that do not interest us. We also know that the goals we want to achieve require a minefield of tasks that do not seem interesting or downright scare us. Want to know the answer to the question, “What is a man?” A man is disciplined in doing what is necessary. Imagine a man who combines these traits in full. He is disciplined to sacrifice himself to complete the responsibilities given to him. He does it while uplifting honesty and integrity. He gives no illusions about who he is or what is expected of him. He handles himself properly every day and goes about his difficult, challenging tasks every day without complaint or grumble. Deep down, every guy wants to be this man and every woman wants her husband to be this man.
So, what is Masculinity?
It is the character of a man who is fully realized. He handles his business with honesty and integrity. He becomes forged by the fires of adversity and challenge. He steps up and always does his best to deliver. He is not perfect, and by no stretch of the imagination does he always succeed. But even in failure, a masculine man recognizes the good. He learns from it, takes responsibility, and disciplines himself to succeed the next time.
Society tells us that masculinity needs to be reformed and adjusted. They are wrong. They are demonically wrong. Masculinity in the West needs to be emphasized, promoted and propagated. We need to have true men raising the next generation of men. Only then will our society heal and grow the way God intended. What is masculinity? It is the real man who is fully actualized.
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