Be sure to read the other entries in our series covering Virtue at The Forged including our article on sacrifice.
Typically, Christians get a little squirmy when they hear words like “philosophy”, “stoicism”, “Meditations”, or “Harry Potter”. Yet, if we study scripture long enough, we come to understand the value of some of philosophy’s greats, especially when it comes to the stoics and their outlook on self-control.
And yes, Harry Potter has nothing to do with this article. Made you look.
However, Marcus Aurelius and his book “Meditations” has plenty to do with scripture and God’s wisdom. Throughout his lifetime, Aurelius sought virtues central to being a human or more specifically: being a man. As we have been discussing seven virtues, self-control stands as a great fill-in for concepts such as discipline.
While discipline itself may require a different discussion, the virtue of self-control remains a perfect link between the thoughts of Aurelius and the thoughts of God Himself.
Across all religions and philosophies (except for those pesky nihilists and hedonists) some form of self-control is preached. Whether it is found in complete denial of the self’s desires or the focused control of all aspects of the self, humanity has stumbled onto one of God’s truths.
Aurelius, as a Roman ruler, would have held religious responsibilities as the head of Rome. Most likely, Aurelius saw Christianity more as a nuisance than as a benefit. Christians and Jews failed to assimilate their religion with those of the Roman pantheism. Today, we don’t see much of an issue with this. However, during those days, people in a community sacrificed to and worshiped their particular god to ensure health, wealth, and well-being. If a plague, famine, or natural disaster struck the community, they would often look to see how their sacrifice or worship may have failed.
Since Christians refused to participate in these practices, persecutions broke out periodically against the Christians. There doesn’t seem to be any evidence that Aurelius stopped these persecutions, and in fact, some of his writings may indicate he was not really fond of Christians.
While this may turn some Christians off, we cannot throw the baby out with the bathwater. The question is: does Aurelius have wisdom about self-control that might be useful to the Christian? Did he spout natural truth inherent to God’s law somewhere in his ramblings?
Stoicism and Self-Control
Aurelius wrote extensively about stoic philosophy, making him one of the last great stoic philosophers. Stoicism was an ancient Greek school of philosophy that taught that virtue was the highest good. The stoics believed that achieving the highest good resulted from knowledge and living in harmony with fate and Providence.
Stoics approached life with the objective of becoming unaffected by things such as pleasure and pain.
In his book “Meditations”, a collection of stoic philosophies, he wrote, "Whenever you are forced by some current difficult events to feel troubled or annoyed, return to yourself as soon as possible, and don't stay out of sync longer than you have to. Because this way, you'll be better able to handle your role next time, and maintain balance, if you constantly train yourself to do this: once disturbed, immediately return to your calm, and start over."
Thus, Aurelius proved his stoic credentials with this single passage.
He definitively points out the crossroads that we all reach when we are emotionally affected by something. That crossroads occurs when a difficult event happens in our lives, and we must choose our response. While our emotions may spike in real-time, Aurelius explains that we cannot sit in those emotional storms.
He gives us a solid solution to the problem: return to your inner equilibrium as soon as possible. It is the masculine way. The more you actively seek the calm consistency within, the more you’ll train yourself to do it that way again. Over time, you learn to quickly return to your calm and handle the situation.
This level of self-control provides a major benefit. By taking a few deep breaths and focusing on returning to ourselves, we give our soul a chance to adjust.
Many times, we watch people ride their emotions like a whitewater raft piloted by middle school teachers on a weekend retreat. Those people who allow emotions to take charge find themselves holding on for dear life, praying that the emotional deluge mellows at some point, and they can keep paddling.
But like that retreat of middle school teachers, most people end up hanging on by the ropes and end up losing hold of the raft. They bob up and down waving their hands wildly as the distance widens between them and their sanity (the boat).
This is why Aurelius’ philosophy on self-control remains a powerful practice for anybody willing to focus on the work.
Self-Control in Practice
Despite what you may believe, it is possible to begin training your kids in the various virtues. They don’t have to act like the Lord of the Flies come to life. In fact, they could surprise you with their abilities in learning self-control.
When my oldest son was only a year or so old, I trained him how to take a deep breath. He would get extremely upset about something and I would hold him and say, “Deep breath.” I would act out the practice and get him to do the same.
After a while, my son learned the technique so well that I could merely say “Deep breath” and he would immediately begin taking deep breaths. This typically gave us enough time to analyze the situation and determine our next step.
I’ve continued this practice with my middle son as well. While he may not be as efficient at the practice as my oldest, he still shows that it helps him to calm down when he is inconsolable.
Unfortunately, the idea of self-control makes some Christians nervous. It sounds a little too “fleshy” or “worldly.” As spirituality gains momentum against a dying age of reason, a belief system has come back around that presses against any inner work or practice. The belief tends to be that all faith must be in the Lord to “cure” the issue. This typically leads to a binary: Those who practice inner soul work are faithless, while those who pray for the Lord to take it are faithful. Consider it a regeneration of deep Gnosticism. This movement believes the spiritual is so important that anything that reeks of the flesh must be corrupt. Even the practice of getting the flesh to submit to the spirit must be considered suspect.
But what if scripture points to our own responsibility in how we respond to difficult situations?
The Old Testament and Self-Control
In the Old Testament, Solomon gives a philosophical book that rivals those of any other philosopher in all of history. His writings seem stoic in nature, yet blend faithfulness, emotion, and logic in something that spans the great thinkers from East to West.
This would be expected, considering that scripture says God granted Solomon wisdom early on after a petition from Solomon to rule justly and with wisdom. Solomon threw down the philosophical gauntlet later on when he completed his book of Proverbs.
Solomon explored self-control in Proverbs 16:32, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”
Typical of Solomon’s writings, he used contrasts to help prove his point. While most believe a warrior would be the epitome of a man’s actualization, Solomon draws an unexpected contrast. He points to a patient person, one who is self-controlled, as a better and more actualized man. He continues to double down by writing that a man with self-control trumps a man who can conquer others.
The contrast has been described in different philosophies and religions across the world. From Plato to Buddha, the concept of self-control as the most powerful victory stands across time as a natural truth originating from God.
Marcus Aurelius would be proud.
Solomon points out that the more difficult job of a person is to discipline his inner man. In fact, it is of more use to the world and shows greater achievement for a man to conquer himself through self-control than to conquer others through force and violence.
Yet, the Old Testament was not the only place in scripture which discusses self-control
The New Testament and Self-Control
In James 1:19-20, James writes, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Mind you, James did not tell us to “pray away the anger,” but gave sound and reasonable wisdom on how to handle difficult situations. Much like Aurelius, James sees the importance of responding to difficult situations. By actively pursuing listening, restraining ourselves to respond, and tempering the flare of emotions, we withhold ourselves from acting out unrighteous anger. This level of self-control helps prevent those embarrassing and sinful moments of anger in which we yell at our wife for burning the roast or our kid for burning down the house.
Not that prayer does not play a pivotal role in who we are and God’s influence on our lives. But the value of self-control stands as a testament to the power of actualizing the self as a man.
Whether the pointers come from Aurelius, James, or Solomon, we are shown a better way to approach those difficult situations. While the ONLY way to the Father is through Christ, He has laid down His truth through all creation. We are witnesses to it, whether it comes from nature or the revelations of men who in a fit of insane ecstasy align with the truth of God.
Aurelius approaches the concept of self-control from the philosophical, which renders the influence of the spiritual pretty much moot. From the stoic point of view, a man becomes actualized through his practice of the virtues over a long period of time. This means self-control sits at one of the major foundations. Aurelius points this out by recognizing the habit training which results from self-control.
But Aurelius does nothing with the eternal...to his shame. Spiritual obedience on the other hand retains the valuable direction of God on our behavior. After all, if our God can heal and change anything, then He has the power to move within our souls as well. Our submitted nature to prayer and the spiritual influence of the Holy Spirit works two-fold. Not only do we actively seek out self-control by recognizing we have a responsibility in doing so, but we put our faith in the hand of the Lord to help the process. We hold faith that He is doing a work in us. We trust that our Father recognizes what we need and is good to give it. We listen when He speaks for us to be silent. We obey when His word guides us to resist the temptation of revenge.
How to Apply Self-Control
Just like my son, we could all learn to take a breath. When the emotions hit, most of us open our mouths and believe that the number of words we spout in passion will guarantee our victory. And that’s the problem. We don’t approach difficult situations with the intention of healing them. We just hope we can win against the competition.
But the Godly way to handle such an issue is to take a deep breath, listen, and keep our words from spouting out of our heads. When we do that, we pursue self-control and train ourselves to do our best to return to a calm and collected state.
That calm and collected inner state gives us the ability to hear the Lord, instead of the blood rushing into our head and out our ears. In the moments of inner peace, our hearts are more willing to receive the word of God and provide us with an ample environment to commune with the active voice of God.
In other words, self-control is a major practice for everyone...but especially the Christian.
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