It's all about the right questions. I've had several moments in which someone taking my workbook program, Become Forged, or other programs I've developed has stopped me, looked me in the eyes, and with a serious nature said, "I hated you when you asked that question."Others have voiced, "I was mad at you when you asked that question."
You may think it caught me off guard or sent me into a depressive tailspin. After all, how could your program possibly be working if people don't like the questions you're asking?
When confronted, my response is typically some form of a laugh and a "Good!"
The Power of Questions
Learning about life is about asking questions. This was something Socrates understood extremely well. They even named the method after him (the Socratic method)...though that was most likely after they forced him to drink hemlock.
And while we may point to Socrates and say he was a premier example of the world's wisdom (which is foolishness to God), he may have been closer to the truth than we give him credit.
Christ Himself famously asked questions throughout Scripture. In fact, He most often interacted with people by asking them a question to get them to reflect on their true position in life.
God the Father railed Job with a multitude of questions to show Job just how far off he really was in his thinking. In fact, by the end of it, Job kind of became a blubbering fool who knew he didn't know anything.
The Questions We Don't Like
While questions are useful, they can become powerless if not used correctly. Some questions that we ask do not do much but give us answers we already expect. Other questions are so shallow that no reflection is necessary when responding.
Worse yet, we turn on our auto-pilot and sail through questions without giving them the due focus and attention needed to get deeper into our souls.
This is the value of the questions we don't like.
A while ago, a guy in one of my workgroups gave me the "I hated you during this question." Why? Because the question required him to think about and list things he's done well lately. He had produced such a path of self-criticism to achieve excellence that he never stopped to see the good in what he had accomplished.
But there was a reason he hated me. He was upset because the question cut against his grain and forced him to inspect an area he hid from himself.
Oftentimes, the biggest problems holding us back from becoming better men of God, husbands, fathers, and producers revolve around avoiding the tough topics. Those issues hurt when we poke the wound. Those pain points that we consistently bury beneath the surface of our typical day.
That's where our fears, insecurities, doubts, lack of faith, and bitterness reside. Those things that we place between us and an unconditional faith in God can wreak havoc on us and create wedges in our relationship with Him.
Sometimes, we need the mirror placed directly on our souls so that we can inspect those grimy, dark areas.
David says, "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
When you invite the Holy Spirit in and allow the right question while wanting the Lord to help answer, you can get quite surprising responses.
After all, none of us are blessed with perfection and therefore are growing, learning, and becoming refined in the image of Christ. So often, things in our lives slow us down and cloud our vision. Asking the right questions while sitting with the Lord can clear that smoke and help you see things in a whole new light.
How do you Ask the Questions you Don't Like?
Finding those tough questions usually starts with pain points. Much like listed above, emotions or states of mindset such as fear, insecurities, doubts, lack of faith, and bitterness are signals of something going on. They have a source. They reside there for a reason.
With those pain points, the simplest next step is to ask to more clearly define that thing. It's not just, "I have fear," but "What am I afraid of?"
But we must dig deeper. It's the difference between, "I'm afraid of failing," and "I'm afraid of failing the Lord and my wife, because deep down I fear they both will leave me if I fail."
Being specific and seeking the truth can make all the difference.
Thankfully, if you make a person write for 10 minutes straight on that topic, the truth will eventually come out of the depths within them. They may splash around for a little bit with the usual suspects, but sooner or later, they'll take a breath, dive deeper, and start uncovering stuff that is a part of the origin.
Reaching that stuff means digging in areas that can be uncomfortable or painful. Think about it this way: asking a man to truly open up about his fears means he must admit to himself that A) he doesn't have it all figured out and b) he doesn't have a solution.
Those truths hurt.
However, they can be vital truths to accept so that we can move on to the solution.
Transformation Through Questions
A good question can unlock an opportunity for us to get real with ourselves. And when we do, the Holy Spirit gets access to speak the truth. Unfortunately, lies, fears, doubts, and bitterness can build real walls between what the Lord wants to transform and what we allow Him to touch.
The powerful question becomes the battering ram which opens up a hole in the defenses and gives new opportunities to heal the wounds.
Yesterday, I sat for lunch with a friend. He and I were discussing the programs that I've written for The Forged and the Revive School of Ministry that I had a strong hand in developing. His eyes lit up as he recounted the effect the School of Ministry questions and study had on his personal life, his marriage, and his family. He deeply appreciated the program and its goal.
He valued the questions and the reflection they brought.
I think we can trap ourselves into thinking that the Christian life requires no reflection. For some of us, we believe our statements of faith provide all the energy needed to become more like Christ. Yet, the men I've seen transformed have done so only through intense self-reflection with the Lord.
And guess what that self-reflection began with? A question.
Now, the Lord may ask you a question in your personal time with Him. It will take your humble honesty to allow that question to become significant. But the Lord can also use the questions others give to us to help shine a light on our strengths and weaknesses in the faith.
Why?
Because statements can only bring so much. They can be easy to pass off and shift around or deny. A question, when faced head-on, is much more powerful. It sits ready to pull us apart and show us our true selves. It breathes with energy and is ready for a fight.
When faced with those life-altering questions, we must decide whether we are willing to face the question head-on and not shrink back, or slink away back into our own comfortable apathy.
So, get with the Lord and start allowing Him to ask the right questions. Because He will.
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