Man of God: Listen Closely.

Gentlemen, buckle up. Or as they say in the Bible, “Gird up your loins.”

Typically, on Father’s Day, a pastor will get up and give guys the business about how they’re supposed to be leaders of the home and should set aside the porn addiction and raise their kids and stand up and all of that jazz.

At least in my circle, we make jokes about how guys get beaten up on Father’s Day while women get “You’re so amazing” during Mother’s Day.

A Warning to the Man of God

Guys, this may not be Father’s Day: but some of you need a wake-up call.

Do you want to be the leader of your household?

Do you believe your wife should submit and be obedient to you?

Are you convinced that your kids should honor you and look up to you?

Then you'd better stop acting the fool. I mean it.

Too many lazy, spiritually dead guys take a passage like Ephesians 5 and forget to read the rest of it. They take on these alpha male influencers and hardcore reformed bros and spout about how what we really need are women who resemble the true bride of Christ. They extol the virtues of manhood yet carry none of those same virtues. They peacock around online, in their homes, and in their churches, trying to present themselves as “Most holy and manly”.

All the while, men are addicted to their phones, porn, junk food, and their own ego.

They sit in the judgment seat of their wives, other Christians, and the establishments, touting their self-righteous brand all the while shaking their heads at the dregs of society.

They have endless debates about the teachings of some obscure church father or rant and rave at the current political situation.

In other words, they may believe in a true man’s standard, but they’re deceived into thinking they meet the standards.

We as men want to be viewed as Aragorn, yet many of us seem to act more like Gollum.

The wolf in sheep's clothing will look like a man of God

The Sad State of the Man of God

Hearing about situations of men in the church ABUSING passages and positions of authority fries me because they have done untold destruction to everyone in their path. Especially women and children.

When men spout from the rooftops of the internet that there are no quality women out there and that feminism should be struck down because of the destruction it’s caused, then that’s their prerogative. Go for it.

I won’t even say I necessarily disagree with everything they say.

However, there’s a disconnect. They point the finger at women, society, and the establishment, yet don’t seem to be paying very careful attention to their own conduct.

In their next breath, they expect to be considered leaders of their households and their families, with wives who dutifully and faithfully follow. Maddeningly, they either paint the standards of being a godly man as easy to fulfill or forget the standards completely, believing those don’t really apply to them.

Do you Think Your Wife Should Follow You?

Sure, you want your wife to listen and follow you. But you keep running to porn, popping off at her with impatience and bitterness, and then spend your time distracted by things like work and technology. You let the world decimate your kid’s innocence. You gossip, ridicule, complain, and gaslight. You hold everyone in the strictest of judgment, yet never grace yourself with a second glance.

That’s the man she should follow?

This is a wake-up call that some of us may need: being a leader means setting high standards. It means you’re living the example 24/7 for your family. And if a wife sees a man who commands her yet doesn’t fit his own standards, she has every reason to start losing respect.

You want grace? You'd better start giving it in spades.

You want obedience? You'd better start providing honor, respect, and humility.

You want intimacy? You'd better give her a reason to want to be intimate with you.

Instead, plenty of men abuse their role as leaders and make a sham of what it means to be a man of Christ. We forget that to those who much is given, much is expected. When we break our oaths, lie, fail our responsibilities, become emotional (guess what? Anger is an emotion), and sacrifice our families on the altar of self, then we’ve discounted ourselves from fulfilling the responsibility of leading.

Many CHRISTIAN men don’t respect the role of leadership because they haven’t been truly taught what it means to be held to a higher standard. Instead, they piddle around with the basics and believe that the transformation will occur without much sacrifice or effort on their part. They believe God will bestow upon them a Christ-like image without having to give up those actions, attitudes, and behaviors that make them look like a massive fool.

Or they think they’re already there, and they’re severely mistaken.

Where the Man of God Went Wrong

While both sexes are having their crisis (which begins back at the garden), we as men are the leaders. Where we go is where women will eventually follow. For too long, men took a backseat to the entire structure and wanted to be good men by allowing the entire system to shift. The problem is, it got handed to wicked people. Christian men sat in the back of the church and let everything change, then finally got up, dusted their pants off, and said, “Hey, now. We’re supposed to be leaders.”

Feckless men complained that women were running the show. And then they proved they didn’t know how to lead.

Evil men get into the church, cause havoc with women and children, and the supposedly good, Godly Christian men who are “leading” do little to nothing to protect the defenseless. Why? Because we lowered the standards as far as possible. We mistakenly believed that leadership was granted by osmosis of a title.

We forgot that being a true man of God is more than simply having the right anatomy, praying, and marrying a woman.

A True Man of God

A true man is battle tested and found to have satisfied the standards.

You want to be a real man of God? That means that you accept that your life and example are on display every single moment of the day. Every word, reaction, and action are resume builders for your worth as a leader in your family and community. How you act, treat others, and stand up against matters become signs of fruit...either bad or good.

And I promise you: people’s faith is at stake.

At the end of the day, their faith is their own walk, but woe to those who make the children stumble. If you claim leadership in a family or a church, and you set yourself on that pedestal and aren’t holding up the high standards of a true man of God, then you’re doing destructive damage that you will account for.

The best part? Good men will understand this rant. They’ll feel convicted that yes, they have not been living their life with as much integrity as it takes to meet the high standards of true men of God. It’s the men who need this rant the most, who will defend their actions, cast blame on others, and spit venom in their disagreement.

A Man of God May Have a Past

My brothers, be comforted: your past does not define your future as a leader. I know plenty of men who have had terribly sinful and wicked pasts (myself included) and have left destruction in their wake. I shudder with sadness at the pain I’ve caused others when I was younger.

But today, I’m a man measured by a different set of standards. And I argue that I still have a long way to go in meeting those standards.

Christ tells us that He won’t reject anybody who comes to Him. The question is: are we willing to be inspected by the eyes of Christ and fix what needs changing?

So, do you want to be considered a true leader? Are you seeking to be a true man of God?

Then here’s just a small taste of the things you should be paying attention to in your daily life:

Some Basic Truths of the Man of God

1) Humbly respect everyone around you.

That includes your wife. It means having patience with her and lifting her up. It means honoring her even when she may not fully honor you. It means loving her even when you’re fighting the war within.

We’re called to love even our enemies. We can be firm, powerful, and stand on conviction, yet love humbly and and graciously. God is described as full of lovingkindness. If it’s masculine enough for our Creator, then we better align with it.

2) Stop with the stupid lusts of the flesh.

A man of discipline holds a high standard for himself and shows it well to the world around him. It’s an admirable example for future generations. Imagine your kid walked in on you as you were trying to sneak some lusts of the flesh. Are you telling me that would feel good?

A man of God is above the fray. He doesn’t get mixed up in the stupid temptations of the world. He walks by with his chest set in the direction that he’s been commanded to go...and nothing will move him off the path.

3) A man of God's tongue should be precise, measured, and controlled.

A man who meets the high standards of a leader doesn’t whinge and complain when life is tough. He doesn’t come home and say things like:

“I can’t stand this job. This job sucks. I hate my life.”“I do everything. Everybody else sits around and does nothing.”

“I’m too busy to prioritize you. I don’t have time for this person or that person.”“You'd better do what I say, because God said I’m in charge.”

True men of God do not cover themselves in a cloak of excuses and complaints – they handle the problems, stressors, and issues of life with quiet grit. They stand on conviction and say what they need to say, but they ignore getting caught up in the boyish talk that bubbles up from hurt, insecurity, and fear.

I’m not saying stuff your issues and traumas deep down, but guys: it’s time to stop talking like spoiled children with stupid complaints and gossip material. It’s time to keep our mouths shut more and accept that life isn’t perfect. We need to acknowledge that other people are sinful human beings (just like us), and we need to answer with maturity, conviction, and humility. Our responses matter, and the greatest godly leaders may have mic-drop moments, but they never do it at the expense of their character.

4) You want someone to follow you as a Man of God? Then be an irresistible leader

That doesn’t mean figure out how to wear charisma like a robe. It means having such integrity in the depths of your soul that people who get near you recognize you’re something different. You’re a unique man who feels old school in all the best ways possible. You’re that man with the quiet calm and confidence that doesn’t get rattled or emotional. You’re the man whom people know they can go to for safety, security, provision, and guidance.

Over time, I’ve come across situations in which supposed “men of God” claimed authority and headship over their wives and families, yet were miserably wicked. Downright demonic. Those who were under those men felt the fallout in heartbreaking ways. It has ruined the faith of many, and I tremble with fear for when those men stand before the Lord.But I also tremble for us as the men in the body. We allow it to take place. We fail to keep each other accountable. We fail to hold ourselves to high standards with our own lives.

Our women, children, young men, and young women are looking to us. They’re measuring us and determining whether we lack. They’re weighing out our Lord and King by who we are. It’s not that we can save other people by our actions, but how can we possibly excuse our role in creating a wedge that Satan enthusiastically uses? Woe to us for being the ones through whom sin makes another stumble.

Man of God: Measure Yourself

So guys: take some time to truly measure yourself. Weigh out if you honestly meet the high standards of a leader or if you’ve got yourself fooled.

The thing is, you may fool some others, but when they figure it out, you’ll have discounted yourself. Worse yet, when you stand before Jesus, He’ll see right through the facade.

Get to work.