We all have those moments that move us emotionally. Things deeply affect us and we want to transform. We know we need a change of habit. We at The Forged know how to help in that process. In this article, you’ll learn 7 steps to effectively applying transformational concepts.
"This was the best conference I've ever been to."
I heard it over and over again. Guys who attended our recent men's conference were floored by the event. As The Forged, we got to be on the front lines of changing men’s lives and bringing a change of habit.
Wives were coming up saying, "My husband took notes and couldn't stop talking about the conference. My husband NEVER TAKES NOTES."
Even those who spoke left feeling in awe of what we got to be a part of.
Today, I woke up reminiscing about the weekend and couldn't help but think, "What now?"
When we go to a weekend retreat or a men's conference, we typically come away with some awesome tactics. However, we don't make changes and then suffer because of it.
We attend an event where time seems to stand still and the rest of the world disappears. We deeply focus on our lives and what God is doing. We see things in a different light, and we hear perspectives that rock us. We leave the event and ride the high for a day or two. We get back into our daily routine. Before long, we've settled back into the habits, mindsets, and relationships we navigated before the big moment of realization.
Unfortunately, it's pretty rare for someone to become so thoroughly transformed that they leave an event and instantly become a different person.
However, leaving doesn't mean that what you gathered goes into the ether. You don't have to remain the same as before you went.
That event can change your life and bring a change of habit. But you must be intentional.
It takes some planning and what I like to call an "exit strategy", but it's very doable. Here are the 7 steps to keeping the change going in your life.
1) Want a Change of Habit? What's Next?
You're driving away from the event and feeling the rush of transformation. You think, "I'm never going to be the same. I got so much out of this!"
And then you park your car, go into your house, and are thrust back into the routine of life. Maybe the kids spilled something on the floor you had to clean up. Or perhaps your wife is annoyed you left your dirty socks on the floor again. You shrug off the powerful revelations and they fade into the mist of your memory.
By the next day, you're solidly back into your routine. The lessons might feel like good platitudes, and you may still believe they're useful.
But deep down, you know that those massive lessons will not bring a change of habit and frankly, you know your old habits and lifestyle are creeping back in.
That moment is a crucial crossroads. Will you slip back into the old ways of life or use what you grasped and shift course? Decide what is next. Even if it's a tiny change at first, decide.
Tactic: Decide to implement a change of habit.
2) Why Were You There?
You went for a reason. Sometimes, it's good to remember why you went to such an event. Most often, we go to something like a men's conference, weekend getaway, or transformational night with some purpose.
It may not be grand, such as, "This thing will change my life!", but you had a reason.
We don't go to events without a purpose. Sometimes it's because a friend begged us to come along. Other times it's because we know we need something new, but we can't figure out what that new thing is. At times, we know we simply need a change of habit.
Either way, you went. And if you intend to extract a piece of information that can improve your life, then take note of it. Sometimes our reason points to the spot needing improvement in our life.
For instance, if you went with someone because they were begging you to go, then something must have caught you enough to say yes. It could have been because you wanted to hopefully meet some other guys. Or maybe you were bored and wanted something to take up some time. It could even be that you don't know how to say no to someone and your friend pressured you into something you didn't want to do.
Our reasoning gives us a good place to start when deciding how to use what we gained most effectively. And if it was to get a change of habit, then we need to name that habit.
Tactic: Figure out why you went.
3) Major Takeaways
Once you know why you went, figure out what you got out of it. Even if it's just one or two things. Clarifying for yourself in a personal debrief will help you gather why you came away so affected. This means sitting down for a few minutes and thinking through the things you learned and why they mattered to you.
If you took notes, look over them. If you didn't, just replay your thoughts about what mattered. Figure out what sparked you and what sparked you to seek a change of habit.
Once you can identify those major points that you believe are important for your life and need to be assimilated into your daily lifestyle, then you can take on the next step.
Tactic: Determine the most important lessons.
4) What did you Feel?
This may not seem important, but it is. Typically, we believe that a rational thought or a powerful argument will shift our perspective and change our lives. But that's only half true. In reality, the powerful thought or rational idea must be attached to an emotion. We can intellectually accept a premise and yet reject it through our actions.
Instead, we must feel the emotion of the revelation. So here's where you need to flex your emotional muscles a bit to get a change of habit.
What emotionally grabbed you? When you drove away from the event and were riding that high, you felt some emotions attached to the new mindsets. Those things inspired you. They excited you. They convicted you.
You felt something as you finished up and drove away, and it's not a bad thing to connect those emotions to the inspiration.
This doesn't mean you must recreate the emotions and stir them up without authenticity. However, spending a few minutes thinking back on those emotions and pinpointing what you felt helps associate the feelings with the thoughts. This makes them more substantial in your heart and mind. They'll be more pronounced. Not only that, but it helps refresh them in your soul when you're preparing for the next step.
Tactic: Attach the inspirational emotions to the important lessons.
5) Determine Which Habit Needs to Change.
Once you know what affected you and the emotions you felt at the prospect of applying those things, you need to apply them.
Our jars of life are full. Granted, we may be sitting on the couch day after day doing nothing, but that is still doing something. Each minute that passes is used, no matter whether we are doing much or little.
You have to decide what is going to change. Name which habit you need to change. Most often, that means replacing one thing with another. If you came away from the retreat with a realization that you are out of shape and need to put exercise back into your life, then you know your sedentary ways need to change.
If you haven't been spending time with the Lord like you know you need to, then it's time to take back some minutes and devote them to Him.
If you realize that your attitude is wrong and you've been responding like a jerk to people, then it's time to take back those moments when you respond horribly to your wife and kids.
Figure out how the revelation or truth you gained applies to your daily life. Figure out what behavior, practice, or mindset needs to change.
As a hint, most often the change we desire to make is in stark contrast to the thing we're currently doing. However, many times a subtle change is all that is needed to right the ship. Change of habit requires a named habit to be replaced.
Tactic: Determine what needs to be replaced.
6) Reasonable Application for a Change of Habit
Don't go crazy.
If you want to make a change of habit in health, then DO NOT decide you're going to create this massive health and fitness routine while only eating kelp and cow liver for 2 hours a day. You won't last.
You've decided on a change in action or mindset. Good. Begin to make small shifts in your habits. You don't need to go all out right away. Instead, find a habit that you can reasonably apply. End a habit that needs to be ended.
Make some simple steps and determine that you will add more steps once you've accomplished those.
Want to get in shape? Start with some simple exercises for 5-10 minutes a day. Shoot to eat some healthy food for at least 1-2 meals.
Get the simple, foundational steps with a change of habit handled before moving on to the next one.
If it's a shift in mindset or personality, then it will take a longer process. It means beginning with prayer and asking the Lord to change your heart. It means sitting with Him and seeking His wisdom on it.
Then, when you get into a situation in which you know you're about to respond with auto-pilot (your old ways), take a deep breath.
I'm telling you, people do not understand the power of a simple breath in the middle of a tense or frantic situation. When the emotions are flying and you feel at your peak, a breath or two to focus yourself can be the difference between a hug from your wife or a pan flying at your head.
We're told by scripture to be slow to speak. For some of us, that becomes really difficult. So buying some time with a couple of deep breaths can slow down our emotions just enough to allow sensibility to take control. As we take those breaths, we search in our hearts for the new way we want to approach the situation.
A quick story on this: I've become pretty adept at arguing. In fact, if I'm having a disagreement with someone, I want to win (don't we all). However, I realized that my disagreements with my wife were not productive because I was more interested in winning than the truth.
Sadly, she learned early on to shut down in a disagreement. This meant I could run rough-shod over her in a disagreement and end up with my way. However, that felt even worse than losing the argument.
I realized I needed a change of habit in how I argued. Instead, I needed to seek a consensus. This meant taking breaths in the middle of the disagreement and keeping my mouth shut. It meant allowing her to continue to talk and get out what she was feeling and thinking. I knew I needed to put my pride on the shelf and allow her to say things I didn't agree with or that hurt me.
Once she released what she had in her heart, I could take another breath and we could sort through what we both laid on the proverbial table. It changed the nature of our relationship from competition for direction to cooperation and coordination.
So, find those simple steps to begin applying the change you want to see.
Tactic: Begin with a few simple steps.
7) Be tenacious. Be patient. Change of Habit Takes Time.
Yes, be both at the same time. A tenacious person has drive and ambition. They don't allow obstacles to slow them down or keep them from their goal. You need to be tenacious.
Plenty of distractions and obstacles will pop up as you attempt to make these changes. Your old ways will be screaming like a psychotic ex-girlfriend who can't let you go. They want to stay. They don't want to leave the house.
You need to kick those old habits out like the ex-girlfriend and devote yourself to your new girlfriend: your new habit or mindset.
However, you also need to be patient. That ex-girlfriend may come around every once in a while, professing her love for you with tears streaming down her face. Those old habits will begin to look good. You'll miss the good times. Frankly, you'll only remember the good emotions and memories of those habits. A change of habit seems less enticing.
Sitting on the couch watching Netflix with Mt. Dew and Doritos? Man...those were good times.
But remember the emotions you felt. Shame. Discomfort. Laziness. And a pining away for a different life.
Be tenacious against those memories and know that you've set new habits and goals in place for a reason. And then be patient that the old will come back around and try to entice you. It will knock on your door when you least expect it, and you have to patiently, yet firmly swat it away.
And more than likely, you'll fall back into the habit once or twice. It'll be so enticing that you stumble in some way. Be patient with yourself and get back up. Keep going.
Everybody who fails only does so because they give up. It's the people who stumble or fall on their faces, yet get back up that ultimately succeed. Nobody is perfect, and neither are you.
Tactic: Tenacious against the old, patient with the new.
Make a Change of Habit.
It's time to make a change of habit. The monumental moment you had is a perfect kick-start in making that change, but you need a plan to implement it. You need an exit strategy as you leave the building.
Here's your exit strategy. Take a little time, implement the plan, and watch how your life shifts.
If you know you need a breakthrough in life, then join The Forged. Be sure to check out our Book, Become Forged - Maximizing Masculinity, the workbook, and our workgroups. We are determined to help you succeed in life. But you need to take that first step. Get in touch today!
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