“You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.”
-Galileo Galilei
When I was growing up, I believed in a gross lie. That destructive lie held me back from valuable stages of progress. I’m sad I didn’t realize the error until much later.
It showed up during my formative years. I heartily rejected learning from others. For some reason, I thought I had to learn and do everything myself. My pride believed that if anybody helped, gave opportunity, guided, or did something for me, I must have failed in my abilities to forge my own path.
How wrong I was.
Mentors are Vital
The truth is, we all build on the shoulders of someone else. Throughout history, great men built on the shoulders of mentors who blazed the path first. In fact, the mentor relationship of many great men directly contributed to their success in bringing great change to the world. While their mentors might not get recognition, the effects cannot be understated.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t blaze our own trail. While trailblazing is vital to becoming more, humbling ourselves and learning from those before us provides massive benefits.
Our mentors teach us the pitfalls of possible decisions and how to avoid mistakes. They lead us to the correct choices and how to properly apply them. We get to observe our mentor’s example and draw deep from the well of their character traits. Most of all, their accomplishments inspire us to see fresh possibilities.
After all, we are the average of the 5 people around us. So if we surround ourselves with mentors who have been higher and farther than us, we see the world through their eyes. Trust me, a billionaire sees the world through a much different lens than you do. They understand and take hold of possibilities you never considered.
The Truth Hurts
A mentor can teach you about life, business, relationships, faith, and more. Unfortunately, we miss out on those vital lessons because we don’t prioritize learning. Instead, we try to navigate these spheres with the information and experience we already have. Our pride tells us that we know everything needed. We never open ourselves up to a different perspective.
Frankly, we avoid mentors because they’ll likely say what we don’t want to hear. Hurtful truths bring pain. And since a good mentor is honest with us, we may shrink away in hopes that we never hear the uncomfortable truth.
Beware though. That uncomfortable truth probably holds a major key to our development. Without the truth, we continue to limp along, thinking life is good. A wise mentor sees what we cannot and chooses to confront us with the reality that hurts. They understand how important painful truths can be.
When you invite a mentor into your life, you’ll find that many of your assumptions get challenged as the relationship grows. After all, a hurtful truth attacks a protective assumption. That’s a good thing. Those assumptions are protections holding you back from higher levels. They’re covered in excuses and pains. They hide behind walls of arguments and supposed logic.
You need someone to swing a sledgehammer against those walls and get to the root of the issues holding you back. If a mentor can destroy that wall, he can help you become what God intended you to be.
Seek out a mentor. Change your course.
How to Find a Mentor
This person may be specialized in a certain field, or they can be someone you recognize has their crap together and you admire. If you find that guy, then take the next step.
Invite your possible mentor to lunch. (YOU BETTER PAY FOR THE MEAL.) Let them know you have some questions and desire their insight. The vast majority of people are honored to be asked. And if they say no, thank them for their time and move on to someone else. Do not take offense at the rejection. After all, they weeded themselves out. You need someone willing to devote some time to helping you. That person who says, “No” is giving you a gift by not leading you on.
Once you get that possible mentor to lunch, ask them specific questions about a narrow field. For instance, if you want mentorship on marriage, ask them something like the following:
“From what I’ve observed, you have a solid, stable marriage. I want that for my own life. Please, give me some background on how you developed your marriage?”
After the mentor opens up with wisdom, ask for some action steps. You could say, “What are 3 things you think I need to start doing in my relationship to get to where you are?”
The best part is the process works for any number of issues. Let’s say you’re not married and deeply desire a girlfriend. Find a man in a stable, healthy relationship (preferably marriage) and ask specific questions followed by action steps.
Or maybe you’re looking to start your own business. Find a business owner in your network and ask his story of how he got started. Ask for action steps.
You may need to sit with several guys to shape a good action plan. That’s okay. It’s good to have a group of counselors around you.
You Better Learn and Grow
However, if you ask for advice you better do your best to apply it! You may not use everything because not all advice is great, but if you take up someone’s time, show interest in their mentorship, and ask for action steps, then who are you to not take their wisdom?
Unfortunately, we do this all too often. We ask for advice, decide we don’t like it, and never follow through. Worse yet, we wonder why we never progress in that area. We insult their experience by deciding we know better. Instead, we should humble ourselves, take a chance, and try their approach. You may fail in pursuing the mentor’s advice, but I promise that you’ll learn something.
I once approached a man with great expertise in land development. I wanted to learn the process. We even found a choice plot for a decent price and figured out what it would take to develop it. He ran me through the whole thing and taught me some valuable lessons.
At the end of the day, I decided that I couldn’t take on a project of that magnitude because I had way too much going on in my life. He understood and agreed. But the lessons I learned were invaluable. If anything, I discovered what is possible when you have pluck and drive. I learned to see the world differently.
Since figuring out the power of mentors, I’ve had some amazing men lead me to new levels. I try to surround myself with men a step or two above my current position. In fact, I just recently met a man who has years of experience in the avenues that I want to pursue. If I DON’T seek his wisdom and direction, I’m liable to fall into problems and pitfalls that he’s already experienced. I will hold myself back if I don’t do the work to foster a relationship with him.
Get With Someone and Grow
Applying mentorship to your life may seem like a daunting task, but it does become a great thing. Your mentor may only be in your life for a short season. Or, they may only meet you for one lunch. But wisdom is invaluable and changes your life.
Now, the things you try to do with their guidance may fail. It’s okay. Growth requires failure and missteps. Relationships require some false starts and dead ends.
But if you don’t pursue mentors, you will either lament not knowing how to get to the next level, or you may spend all your time researching things and never pulling the trigger.
Give yourself a chance and get some mentors to help set you on the correct path!
If you know you need breakthrough in life, then join The Forged. Be sure to check out our Book, Become Forged - Maximizing Masculinity, the workbook, and our workgroups. We are determined to help you succeed in life. But you need to make that first step. Get in touch today!
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